Self-Care When Grieving

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

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First Things First

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis for any reason, including despair over the election results, help is available.
Call or chat
988 Lifeline

If you are not in crisis, read on for useful information or strategies on self-care during a season of heightened grief.

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Consensus on Science-Based Strategies

Over the last few days there has been a justifiable increase in a focus on self-care across my social media feeds. But what does self-care look like in light of such intense grief over the election results?

There's a lot of woo-woo in the self-care field, yet there is a consensus in research that all the things our Grandmothers told us to do -  like "eat your vegetables, before dessert," "go outside," "play with your friends" and "go to bed on time" - really are excellent principles for staying healthy. 

But when you are grieving what else can you do?

A few years ago I shared in the post Heartbreak how I dealt with grief when my Dad died. Here's what I wrote about heartbreak which I think is pertinent for our collective pain:

Heartbreak feels like you've been physically hurt -
your body is living on stress hormones -
depression, anger, anxiety and withdrawal want to become your closest friends --
you question reality and your core values -
grieving becomes a new way of walking through your days.

And the ways of coping with heartbreak can take unusual paths.

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Stay the Course & Practice Grief-Care

For your self-care routine, stay the course.

• Eat a healthy diet everyday even if you add in a few comfort foods. Avoid alcohol.
• Move. Keep up with your regular exercise habit or start a new one!  Or just get up and walk around your home throughout the day.
• Play & laugh with your friends - board games, field games, MMOG  - just be present with your like-minded people who care about you.
• Go to bed on time without a device!

And when it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you and everything you believed true about the world has been tilted on its axis, it is time to practice some grief-care strategies.

• Practice kindness towards yourself; don't keep pushing or fighting the good fight until you know you are ready. You will know when it is time.
• Set boundaries to avoid things which will cause you more pain at this moment. For example I've withdrawn from my regular news sources who are focused on the blame-game and blocked posters who are gloating - these are not helping me. And as much as possible, I am also trying to honor Boss's request to avoid sharing the news I do read for his well-being.
  
• Take time, lots of time, to reflect on your grief. If you journal, pull out that notebook. If you process by talking it through, find your person who will listen without judgement. Identify what matters to you. Express your feelings without self-judgement. Be as honest and vulnerable with yourself, your journal, your person as possible. Understanding why you grieve is healing - but it takes time.
  
• While not science-based, if an unusual path appears to help you process your grief - and it doesn't cause harm to you or others - then take that path. I found watching the same movie over and over helped when my Dad died. My Daughter finds smashing pottery incredibly therapeutic. What is your unusual path - that thing which keeps your moving forward even when you simply want to withdraw?

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We grieve because we have lost something more than an election.
We grieve because the magnitude of the loss is shockingly unfathomable.
We grieve because we find ourselves on our way to a new place,
one where we did not want to go.

Grieve, but use strategies which will help -
you are loved beyond even what you can imagine,

Nonna