Hope in the Face of Despair

Photo by Joshua Forbes on Unsplash

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A Place of Hope

Raising children is perhaps one of the most difficult life-long tasks we tackle as adults - definitely rewarding, but oh, so hard for so many reasons.

Recently - well in the last year -  one of my Daughters expressed a concern about how her life-decisions would impact the well-being of her children. It was a hard conversation; maybe I asked helpful questions, listened well and offered my thoughts while avoiding the giving of advice. (She will let me know if I failed!)

You see, I know both of my of Daughters make thoughtful decisions for themselves and their children, but sometimes talking through something distressing gives them the chance to re-frame their concerns.

In this case, to remember that their child's world can be a place of hope - a place of goodness, possibility and opportunity.

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Raising Hope-Filled Children

When you type "what habits will foster hope in my children," into your AI chatbot or search engine, you will get really useful ideas about habits that promote a hopeful attitude. 

But I think the focus of the question is a bit off - yes, it's important to teach good mental and emotional habits to our kiddos.  But, I believe raising hope-filled people is first about who you are as a parent - whether or not you live out hope - than what you can teach your child to do.

In other words, the first question is do I live in a way that shows my kiddos the world is good and filled with possibilities and opportunity for them?

And this is an impossibly hard thing to do when you feel like half the country has not just let you down in this election, but has actively expressed hatred for your existence.

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Rose-Colored Glasses & Hope

Did you know that rose-colored glasses aid in the recovery from a concussion?  My Daughter - the other one - continues to experience vision problems from a concussion experienced earlier this year and her doctor recommended rose-tinted glasses to improve her visual comfort. The therapy blocks the light-waves causing headaches, vision problems, confusion and impaired balance so that you can continue with your daily activities.

Uh, wow.

The idiom "seeing the world through rose-colored glasses" takes on a deeper meaning. Often, we dismiss the idea of seeing the world with a positive mind-set as ignoring reality - it's unrealistic or dangerous to see the world through rose-colored glasses. But what if seeing the world with a hope-filled attitude not only allows us to clearly see what is in front of us without so much of the associated pain, but helps us to address the problem?

Are you hopeful? Do you think the world is good, filled with possibilities and opportunities? Do you live this belief out-loud?

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Tempered with Truth

One of the more profound hurts we inflict on one another is when someone we love lies to us. It's a betrayal at so many levels.  If it's your parent who lies? Oooph. And wearing really dark rose-tinted glasses - toxic positivity - is as harmful as a lie simply because it is a lie.

This is one of the reasons many families choose to avoid the whole Santa Claus is real story - I am all for mystery and wonder and imagination, but I get that many people are scarred by discovering St. Nicholas really doesn't come down the chimney.

Indiscriminately looking at the world through rose-colored glasses creates similar problems. We know not to lie to our children or unrealistically sugar-coat information, but how do we share the hard things in a truth-filled way that is appropriate for their age and shares hope? 

Think of sharing difficult truths using the following approach:

• Know how your child will "hear"  - how old are they and where are they developmentally?
• Be honest and gentle - use simple, clear language and share only what you know your child can understand.
• Create a loving space with compassion for their emotions, as well as your own. Talk about them!
• Answer their questions - reassurance may be what they want or need than more information, but only you know your child.
• Tell your child why you are hopeful!

And practice this approach with lots of the smaller challenging truths - for example the Santa Claus story - so it's a habit when the more difficult truths pop up. And more difficult truths will pop-up over the next few years.

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You Need to Find Your Hope

There are so many things you could do, so many habits to instill and skills to teach you children that will foster a hopeful mind-set - and you should do these things - but for your children, the first step towards hope begins with you. And in the midst of the terrible results from this election, you need to find your hope.

Every parent is capable of living a hope-filled life. Even when times are discouragingly hard.

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I believe in you - you've got this,          

Nonna